and goodbye from me

Posted in Uncategorized on May 6, 2009 by Heather M

As T pointed out on my Facebook, the sketchy door is most likely officially dead. The literal sketchy door has been taken down and distributed between us – to me, the contraceptive devices and the Obama literature; to T, the picture of Robert Pattinson and all the lube.

As for our celebration, it will not include Chinese food, because T does not like Chinese food (think LFO’s “Summer Girls”: “Chinese food makes me sick/And I think it’s fly when girls stop by for the summer”) but there will be Chinese grandparents, courtesy of me.

yes…I’m cool with you stalking me on twitter: I’m trying to become one of those people who updates constantly. But even the randomness of my mind isn’t all that interesting.

love, h


Considering the Future

Posted in Uncategorized on May 2, 2009 by t

Okay, H and T haven’t posted in a while, but it’s nice to see you guys are still clicking.

It’s exam week around these parts and that’s a perfectly good reason to assume they’ll be posting more.  However, H and T have completely opposite schedules which means they’re never around each other anymore.

Fear not, avid reader. There is a celebration planned that involves Rock Band, any food but Chinese food, and grandparents. Surely hilarity will ensue.

As for next year, there’s no predicting the future of this handy little site.  T will have a job (hopefully) and H will be a busy senior, planning her illustrious future (most likely becoming some high profile lawyer with a million cases and a million dollars).

If you’d like to keep up with either of them on a more regular basis, follow them on Twitter. H, if you approve, feel free to post your link. 🙂


T Twitter:

Back to the Future…T and H style

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on March 25, 2009 by Heather M

SCENE: 10 years from now, somewhere in suburbia…

T’s hubby (dials last received call on T’s phone): Hello? Who is this?
H: Who is this? You called me.
T’s hubby: My name is ______. I believe you just got off the phone with my wife.
H: Yes, my name’s H. I was T’s college roommate. Can I help you?
T’s hubby: Well, as soon as she got off the phone with you, she burst into tears, said she was leaving me and ran to pack her bags. I’ve tried to ask her what’s wrong, but she’s locked me out of our room.
H: What do you think caused this?
T’s hubby: I don’t know! One minute everything was fine, the next she gets off the phone and just keeps saying over and over, “You’re Jacob!” And my name isn’t Jacob.
H: I think I know what she’s talking about…but I didn’t think it would be this bad.
T’s hubby: You do? Explain!
H: Well, when we were in college, we were totally in love with Edward Cullen, and modeled our expectations of the perfect men we wanted to marry after him.
T’s hubby: Edward Cullen? Did he play basketball at Carolina? I don’t know the name.
H: You never read Twilight???
T’s hubby: What? Oh, that ridiculous book about zombies or something? Wasn’t that for preteens?
H: Vampires, and keep your opinions to yourself. Anyway, story is girl named Bella meets Edward Cullen, most perfect man/vampire EVER, but she has a best friend, Jacob, who is a werewolf.
T’s hubby: Werewolf? Really? This sounds stupid.
H: Want to know why your wife’s leaving you?
T’s hubby: …
H: Problem is, Jacob’s in love with Bella too. And she can’t decide how she feels about him for the two middle books, kind of strings him along when Edward leaves her for a while, and eventually picks Edward even though she’ll always love Jacob too. Anyway, Jacob ends up falling in love with Bella and Edward’s child, but that’s not the point.
T’s hubby: And what does this have to do with me?
H: On March 25, 2009, T and I made a pact that when one of us got married, the other would ask two very important questions. 1) Are you marrying Edward Cullen? (definitely the more important of the two) 2) Are you marrying your Edward Cullen? Since I missed your wedding, and the birth of your six children in the following years, and T and I have only recently gotten in touch thanks to Facebook having contractual obligations to us for the past ten years, we asked each other today.
T’s hubby: So…what does that mean?
H: Well, I don’t know. After I asked her, she said she had to go but she’d call me back in a couple of hours.
T’s hubby: So she’s screaming, “You’re Jacob!” because…I’m her best friend?
H: No, she’s screaming that because you’re not her Edward.
T’s hubby: But Jacob loved her, right? And she loved him too?
H: But he wasn’t Edward. Jacob can never be Edward. And I’m sorry, but everyone deserves to find their Edward. Goodbye, and I wish you the best. (hangs up)
T’s hubby: I refuse to get dumped because of a young adult book…T, I love you! Let’s talk about this rationally…

To be continued….

You write the ending! What will happen? Will T stay with her husband and learn to love her “Jacob”? Will T’s hubby change from Jacob to Edward? And, what’s up with H’s life? What was the answer to the two questions when T asked them?

Mr. Right

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on March 6, 2009 by Heather M

T: I’ve decided what kind of man I need.

H: Oh yeah?

T: A man with a truck.

H: Okay…?

T: Like Noah Calhoun. He’s perfect. He built his own house, and he had a truck.

H: And a canoe. That was awesome.

T: Right. I need to find someone just like him.

H:  A man with a canoe?

T: No! A man with a truck.

live-ish oscars blogging: H and guest S

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on February 22, 2009 by Heather M


S: according to perez, robert pattinson is presenting at the oscars
H: omg
H: I’m not watching so you have to tell me when it’s on
S: okay
H: hahah
S: hahaha
S: why don’t you put it on mute?
H: I’m going to leave it on
H: I want to be married to someone going to the oscars
H: cause they’d be like, introduce your date
S: hahahah
S: yeah
H: preferably zac, of couse
H: *course
S: well you’re going to marry zac
S: hahaha
H: exactly
S: i want to go to the oscars
H: you can marry robert pattinson
S: i’m completely fine with that plan
H: k cool
H: we can hang out
S: how exciting
S: goldie hawn is a mess
S: tilda whatever her name is looks really bad in that color
H: a lot of what she wears is really scary
S: i know!
H: she’s actually pretty scary looking
H: I want to win an oscar!
S: she really is, she needs color
S: me too!
S: let’s do it
S: after we write our screenplay
H: maybe we could win that one, right
H: instead of acting
S: i feel like i’ve only seen non-oscar nominated movies this year
H: oooh daniel craig
S: hahahaha
S: your fav
H: her boobs are completely hanging out
S: yeah
S: i don’t like that dress really
H: me either
9:25 (the appearance of robert pattinson!)
H: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
S: aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
H: he looks so scary
H: but awesome
S: and hot
H: and hot
S: it’s because he’s look down
H: yes that’s why
S: hot
S: i hope he presents like 10 times like sjp
H: he is so attractive
H: me too
H: well you know what I meant
S: i know, he really is
H: that came out weird
S: hahah
H: not nights in rodanthe
S: why don’t we go back to showing him?
9:28pm (romance montage)
H: that was a lot to take
S: yes
S: a lot
S: ok and why did they get rid of rob pat?
S: that wasn’t enough
H: I know! three high school musical clips but only one twilight? lame
S: ahhh
S: no there were 3 hsm
S: i mean twilight
H: I saw the meadow
H: what were the others
S: one on the grass (meadow), one where they were on her bed kissing, and then when she saw him across the parking lot before she got hit
H: how the hell did I miss those other two?
H: ugh
S: i don’t know!
S: the bed one was hard to see
H: I really don’t know why hsm3 got three clips though
S: hahaha
S: i know right
H: like, did anyone watching the oscars all over the country except us actually like that movie?
S: omg seriously
9:56pm (musical showcase)
H: omg omg
S: omg
H: ps what is she wearing
S: it’s ugly
S: i love zac
H: me too!
S: i’m glad they put hsm in there, i feel like it makes them more respected
S: because the movie is well done, and i think they deserve credit for it
H: they’re really tried to do that all night
H: exactly
H: like so many people pass over it because it’s part of the group of them
H: but they did a great job
H: show zac more!
S: i know!
S: he looks silly with the top hat
H: and the slicked back hair
S: of course
S: perez: – Could have done without Vanessa.
– Feature Zac more!!!!!!!
10:08pm (best supporting actor)
H: yay!
H: and sad too
S: i know!
S: i’m glad he won though
H: me too
S: it wouldn’t have been right otherwise
S: exactly
H: okay these awards are not fun
S: yeah they’re boring
S: zac
H: what?
H: nooooo
H: yes!!!!
S: hahahahahaha
H: he looks so good
S: yeah he does
S: ok what were you asking?
H: never mind
S: he’s still presenting!
H: I know!
S: aww
H: but my brother’s talking to me
H: ahhhhhhh
S: hahaha
S: what is he saying
H: nothing as interesting
S: you can’t tell him zac is on?
H: I was going to ask him a question
H: that would be rude
S: hahah
H: go away ryan
S: hahahah
bored updating the live posts. general reflections:
– yay for Kate Winslet. we’ve never heard of that random woman in the category. we want to be angelina jolie. sophia loren is looking rough.
– more rob pat behind someone else! is that his mom with him?
– brad pitt needs to shave.
– sean penn, this is not the place for politics. your speech was too long.
-slumdog millionare’s definitely going to win.
– yep. won.
time for all the homework we didn’t do.

silly love songs

Posted in conversations, cute boys on February 20, 2009 by Heather M

H: You went to the Clef concert, tonight, right? How was it?

T: I fell in love with one of them.

H: I thought you were already in love with one of them.

T: Andrew?

H: The one with the funny name.

T: Mikush?

H: No.

T: Anoop?

H: No. (gives patronizing stare)

T: Steve?

How to “Swift” an important historical story, event or legend

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on February 11, 2009 by Heather M

No, not “Swift Boat.” That’s so 2004.

So, among the other numerous characteristics that we share, T and I are continually discussing our love-hate relationship with Taylor Swift and her oh-so-catchy songs. However, we’re having some difficulty getting around the plot in her new-ish single “Love Story.” It seems simple enough, right? It’s about doomed lovers Romeo and Juliet. They meet at a party, are driven apart by parents, sneak around parents and eventually die because of a miscommunication. You might ask, why would Taylor Swift write a song about one of the most tragic literary romances of time? (Ignoring the fact she should have enough of her own to write about, without needing historical reference.)

Well, it might be because Taylor not only cuts the story off where they’re happy and getting married, but also CHANGES it significantly, making the entire rest of Shakespeare’s work unnecessary. Example A, last verse:

“Marry me Juliet, you’ll never have to be alone
I love you and that’s all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It’s a love story, baby just say yes”

Analysis: Creative license for the proposal is fine – I don’t know how hard it is to put iambic pentameter to song. However, does anyone think that after hating the Montagues for generations, Signor Capulet would just like, “okay, Romeo, just because you love my daughter that much, go ahead and marry her. I’m happy for you kids.” No. He wouldn’t. So, by adding that little line, Taylor just completely changed all of Act 4 and 5, and instead Romeo and Juliet go off in marital bliss A few years later, she pops out a couple of kids, he gets a gut and does the Renaissance equivalent of sitting on the couch watching TV all day…and you get the point? Totally uninteresting.

In honor of this, T and I came up with other things to “Swift” (if you still don’t get the word, it means to completely change a historical (love) story to suit a song, and therefore make it inaccurate and uninteresting). Here we go!


Song version of Titanic (we’re going with the love story in the movie for this one). How about the story stays the same for the first fourth of the movie or so. Jack is poor, Rose is rich, she has a d-bag fiance who orders her around, Jack and Rose meet and hang out below decks, he draws her naked, etc. etc. Now, for the Swifted change, they’re running away from Cal’s evil henchmen, but instead of going to have sex in a car below decks, they go have sex in a lifeboat. Well, little iceberg watch people notice this, and are being total creepers, but lo and behold, right beyond the view of this particular lifeboat, they see the faint outline of an icebeg. They call the bridge, alert the captain, who steers out of the way, and the Titanic never hits an iceberg. It arrives in New York just fine, Jack and Rose live a spontaneous yet unfulfilled life because they never had to test their love in the face of a distaster.

Cons: you can’t drag your hand across a steamy window if you’re in a lifeboat.


Our first thought was to get rid of the little sister all together. Then we realized there was no story, so we couldn’t do that. So we settled for the chocolate factory man not to rape their cousin. We’ll say he doesn’t even come with Leon to dinner. Then, the obnoxious little sister wouldn’t have been suspicious of anything, no sex in the library would have been interrputed, and Robbie wouldn’t have been incorrectly framed. He wouldn’t have gone to prison, and he and Cecilia would emigrate to America to  escape the pressure they face between class differences. He wouldn’t go to war, and she wouldn’t be in a subway tunnel during an air raid. So, they become American citizens and live in the Midwest for the rest of their lives.

Cons: WWII would still happen, no matter what. Even Taylor couldn’t write around that.


There are a couple ways to write around this one. 1) Paris steals Helen and Menelaus is like, whatevs, that incredibly effeminate boy with the stupid dip-dyed robes can have my wife. There are plenty more to choose from in the world. So there’s no war, Achilles never gets hit in the foot and he’s still around today, wandering confusedly around Times Square. But again, that leaves us with…no story. So, how about the war continues the way it actually did (or did in the movie), except Brad Pitt’s cousin/boyfriend in the story doesn’t get killed and because of that, they’re in a different place during that last end battle. So he and the actress who ran off with director Robert Rodrieguez live happily for a little bit on his awesome island, until the “New Moon”-ish battle overtakes them – what happens when he’s immortal and she’s not? Biting her neck won’t really do anyone any good, so basically, once she realizes that, she wallows around in grief for the rest of her life.

Cons: nothing for Latin students to do in high school.


First of all, George Peppard would be in this one too. Making smoking look hot. Instead of the bittersweet ending where he sees her at the press conference all regal, knowing she’s doing what she has to, she runs off the podium into his arms and decides she loves him more than she wants to be cooped up as a princess.They live happy and contented, but she gets frustrated with his callous journalist behavior and demeanor, and suspects him of planning to write a tell-all novel, “I convinced the Princess to leave the throne for me.” Like any other wife of the 50s, she quietly does nothing.

Cons: Breakfast at Tiffany’s wouldn’t have to be made.


“It’s not fun unless someone dies.” – T, on Shakespeare’s writing motivations.