SCENE: 10 years from now, somewhere in suburbia…
T’s hubby (dials last received call on T’s phone): Hello? Who is this?
H: Who is this? You called me.
T’s hubby: My name is ______. I believe you just got off the phone with my wife.
H: Yes, my name’s H. I was T’s college roommate. Can I help you?
T’s hubby: Well, as soon as she got off the phone with you, she burst into tears, said she was leaving me and ran to pack her bags. I’ve tried to ask her what’s wrong, but she’s locked me out of our room.
H: What do you think caused this?
T’s hubby: I don’t know! One minute everything was fine, the next she gets off the phone and just keeps saying over and over, “You’re Jacob!” And my name isn’t Jacob.
H: I think I know what she’s talking about…but I didn’t think it would be this bad.
T’s hubby: You do? Explain!
H: Well, when we were in college, we were totally in love with Edward Cullen, and modeled our expectations of the perfect men we wanted to marry after him.
T’s hubby: Edward Cullen? Did he play basketball at Carolina? I don’t know the name.
H: You never read Twilight???
T’s hubby: What? Oh, that ridiculous book about zombies or something? Wasn’t that for preteens?
H: Vampires, and keep your opinions to yourself. Anyway, story is girl named Bella meets Edward Cullen, most perfect man/vampire EVER, but she has a best friend, Jacob, who is a werewolf.
T’s hubby: Werewolf? Really? This sounds stupid.
H: Want to know why your wife’s leaving you?
T’s hubby: …
H: Problem is, Jacob’s in love with Bella too. And she can’t decide how she feels about him for the two middle books, kind of strings him along when Edward leaves her for a while, and eventually picks Edward even though she’ll always love Jacob too. Anyway, Jacob ends up falling in love with Bella and Edward’s child, but that’s not the point.
T’s hubby: And what does this have to do with me?
H: On March 25, 2009, T and I made a pact that when one of us got married, the other would ask two very important questions. 1) Are you marrying Edward Cullen? (definitely the more important of the two) 2) Are you marrying your Edward Cullen? Since I missed your wedding, and the birth of your six children in the following years, and T and I have only recently gotten in touch thanks to Facebook having contractual obligations to us for the past ten years, we asked each other today.
T’s hubby: So…what does that mean?
H: Well, I don’t know. After I asked her, she said she had to go but she’d call me back in a couple of hours.
T’s hubby: So she’s screaming, “You’re Jacob!” because…I’m her best friend?
H: No, she’s screaming that because you’re not her Edward.
T’s hubby: But Jacob loved her, right? And she loved him too?
H: But he wasn’t Edward. Jacob can never be Edward. And I’m sorry, but everyone deserves to find their Edward. Goodbye, and I wish you the best. (hangs up)
T’s hubby: I refuse to get dumped because of a young adult book…T, I love you! Let’s talk about this rationally…
To be continued….
You write the ending! What will happen? Will T stay with her husband and learn to love her “Jacob”? Will T’s hubby change from Jacob to Edward? And, what’s up with H’s life? What was the answer to the two questions when T asked them?
