take off your clothes, yeah

(Scene: Late night listening to music for baby-makin’ songs. )

H: If you need baby-makin’ songs with instructions (“take off your clothes”, etc.), then you shouldn’t be having sex.

baby-makin’

(H’s note: I’m pretty sure she wrote this on my facebook wall WHEN I WAS ON AIM just so I’d have it verbatim for tsd. I would have thwarted her plan but it’s too good to pass up.)

T: The main character in my homework reading is named Jonas. I didn’t give it a second thought until I had to write it at which point I thought, “Jonas is a very good first name. I’ll keep that in mind.” Then I realized that was impossible because no one wants to be named Jonas Jonas.

the boys are back

T: (“The Boys are Back” dance scene) combined everything I like about boys and musicals.
H: You like junkyards?
T: Just a greasy, sweaty boy…plus Zac Efron.

lovebug

T: The greatest joy in my life is waking up every morning and looking at Joe Jonas.

it’s better than “the weather is interesting”

Things H thinks about while doing her Italian homework: unc basketball, sarah palin, barack obama, hsm, jonas brothers, soundtrack, loaded potato soup, mascara, shower, food, state fair, bed, homework, politics, logic problems, premium cable, creepers, people who retroactively proclaim love, overcooked brownies, LSAT, zac efron, halloween costumes, wheat cracker.

H: Can we add Tom Brady? He’s always on my mind.

get your party on

IM, Sunday night:

H: hi

T: hi

H: how was your break?

T: too short

and you

H: same

but I’m prolonging it a short amount

I’m not coming back tonight

T: pish posh

H: unless I’ll miss the huge party you’re throwing

T: you’re going to

me, joe, nick, chris, holden

we’re partying it up

talent show

T actually sang these lyrics to “Look At Me, I’m Sandra Dee”:

Look at me, I’m Tiffany
Lousy with virginity
Won’t go to bed ’til I’m legally wed
I can’t; I’m Tiffany

Watch it! Hey I’m Doris Day
I was not brought up that way
Won’t come across,
Even Rock Hudson lost
His heart to Doris Day

I don’t drink (no)
Or swear (no)
I don’t straighten my hair (eew)
I get ill from one cigarette (coughs on teddy bear)
(cough, cough, cough)
Keep your filthy paws (picks up bear)
Off my silky draws
Would you pull that crap with Annette? (throws bear down)

As for you Kevin Jonas, (sings at poster behind her)
I know what you wanna do
You got your crust
I’m no object of lust
I’m just plain Tiffany

Chris Brown, Chris Brown, let me be! (sings at poster next to her)
Keep your pelvis close to me!
Just keep your cool
Now your starting to drool
Hey Fongool (gestures to poster of guy from Hannah Montana), I’m Tiffany!

—-

H’s note: I have video…will sell to highest bidder

More Balls?

H: We need to tag more things with “balls.”

#9

T: I’m fucking Tomy Romo right now.

(pause)

T: Hey Carrie Underwood, how do you like them apples?

—-

H’s note: This only goes in the “cute boys” category because of a subjective opinion. Because he is not cute. At all.

guest appearance

M: Covert lunches to avoid the penis hungry…on the next Montel.